It begins
It'll take her a while to figure out what I've called this site. But I guess that is good in a way... I guess I'll just have to see how long before she gives me an earful over what I might have written by then.
About two weeks ago the wiki that I normally post on was taken down so that it could be up graded. So I've found somewhere else to go...that is why I'm here, not there.
Must admit I would have thought a break up after this short a period of time would be easy to get over...after all we only went out for 3 months, of which 2 weeks were spend on opposite sides of the country. Unfortuantely I didn't factor in emotions and I'm finding it very difficult to deal with them. Hell, this would have been easier if she hadn't taken my hand or if I hadn't met her for lunch or...to many factors to hadn't about. Unfortuantely moving backwards through time is not an option, only forwards. So how do I get over myself...yes I know it's me me me. I said I understood why it had to end, BUT I didn't have to like it. She says she's worried about me, but I guess haven't found my way of dealing with it. She has the people she can really take to, I don't. My best friend is over in Australia, with his fiancee and their own problems. The only other person who more or less thinks like I do is sitting in a library in the UK. And I really don't feel like talking to anyone else around here - never even given them the whole picture either. There is someone else that I could consider talking to, but next to his, my stuff is really and truly insignificant.
Yes I know it's called hiding. I'm actually very good at it - even hiding from myself, to the point where I have no clue to what I'm REALLY feeling...or is that delusional?
Sometimes I wonder if I have no really drine/sense of purpose. Of course there are things that I can throw myself into, but at what cost...One of the things will cost me the relationship of the woman I'm supposed to be in love with. I can say that it won't, that there will be compromise. But I know that that path would put in direct conflict with her...no matter how much we try to compromise and I don't know if I want to do that yet. But then what do I really want or is it need? OR maybe what don't I need even though I think I want/need it.
I've babble enough for this morning...I know I take myself too seriously at times...I guess only when I'm tired and feel like Atlas.
About two weeks ago the wiki that I normally post on was taken down so that it could be up graded. So I've found somewhere else to go...that is why I'm here, not there.
Must admit I would have thought a break up after this short a period of time would be easy to get over...after all we only went out for 3 months, of which 2 weeks were spend on opposite sides of the country. Unfortuantely I didn't factor in emotions and I'm finding it very difficult to deal with them. Hell, this would have been easier if she hadn't taken my hand or if I hadn't met her for lunch or...to many factors to hadn't about. Unfortuantely moving backwards through time is not an option, only forwards. So how do I get over myself...yes I know it's me me me. I said I understood why it had to end, BUT I didn't have to like it. She says she's worried about me, but I guess haven't found my way of dealing with it. She has the people she can really take to, I don't. My best friend is over in Australia, with his fiancee and their own problems. The only other person who more or less thinks like I do is sitting in a library in the UK. And I really don't feel like talking to anyone else around here - never even given them the whole picture either. There is someone else that I could consider talking to, but next to his, my stuff is really and truly insignificant.
Yes I know it's called hiding. I'm actually very good at it - even hiding from myself, to the point where I have no clue to what I'm REALLY feeling...or is that delusional?
Sometimes I wonder if I have no really drine/sense of purpose. Of course there are things that I can throw myself into, but at what cost...One of the things will cost me the relationship of the woman I'm supposed to be in love with. I can say that it won't, that there will be compromise. But I know that that path would put in direct conflict with her...no matter how much we try to compromise and I don't know if I want to do that yet. But then what do I really want or is it need? OR maybe what don't I need even though I think I want/need it.
I've babble enough for this morning...I know I take myself too seriously at times...I guess only when I'm tired and feel like Atlas.
posted by Shaun at 8:10 AM
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